


oh darling, why don't you just fall for me?

by GayaIsANerd



Category: SKAM (Norway)
Genre: Angst, Coming Out, F/F, First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, Mention of eating disorder, Pining, Sharing a Bed, anti noorhelm, season 1 from noora's pov
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-22
Updated: 2018-04-22
Packaged: 2019-04-26 06:53:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,853
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14396637
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GayaIsANerd/pseuds/GayaIsANerd
Summary: Noora has always loved her, immensely, deeply and terrified





	oh darling, why don't you just fall for me?

**Author's Note:**

> Hello hello!  
> So, this fic started as I rewatching s1 and then got written in two sleepless nights, because sleep is for the weak, am I right?  
> Anyway, I'm quite happy with it, even though it's a bit shorter than what I originally planned, but shout out to my depression fucking with my creativity #depressedlife
> 
> This totally would never have seen the light of day without the love and support of my girl, [fanni](http://bonanzza.tumblr.com/)  
> ! Thank you so so much! <3
> 
> You know the drill, comments and kudos feed my ego and my cats!

 

Noora meets her in high school, at a party she’s attending for the sole purpose of getting Eskild off her back. He has been pushing her to go out more, find some friends. Noora knows he’s right, but the moment she walks into the party, she feels lost. The music too loud, the people around her too drunk and the anxiety high up in her chest.

Until she sees her, the girl that has fascinated her from the first moment she saw her in class. The one she so desperately wants to get to know, but is too nervous to make the first move. Noora just watches for a moment, she’s beautiful. Her eyes heavily set with dark makeup and her full lips pulled downward, body language open and pleading as she talks to another girl. Noora only hears the last part of the conversation, biting and harsh. Sees how the girl shrinks right in front of her eyes and Noora can’t help it, she needs to comfort her. 

She says the first thing that comes to mind, something silly, hoping to make the girl -Eva- laugh. Eva does huff a small laugh, but her eyes glide from Noora back to the other girl quickly, longing clear on her face. 

Noora knows she’s being stupid, but she can’t help but feel rejected and it stings. It stings that Eva hardly looks up as Noora says her goodbyes, stings that she’s outside in the cold and she’s still alone. 

Always alone. She breathes in the cold air, watches it fog up on it’s way out.

_ That’s it  _ she thinks, and tries to put Eva out of her mind. She doesn’t even know why she was so fascinated with the girl in the first place. They never talked before, and they only share one class, what does it matter that Eva doesn’t want to be her friend? 

When she tells Eskild as much, he hums in that annoying  _ knowing _ way of his and she bristles, stomps out of the room.

\-----

And then… And then Noora opens her facebook on a whim. She’s been avoiding going on facebook for a while now, the memories too heavy, too suffocating. But she’s bored, sharing a couch with Eskild, Linn curled up on the other one, the Kardashians playing on tv. So, she grabs her phone and mindlessly opens up facebook. She’s hit with too many notifications to go through, so she clicks them open and closes them again, just to make the red bubble go away. She goes to do the same with the friendship requests but then she sees one of them is Eva’s. 

“What’s wrong?” Eskild asks, when she lightly gasps but she ignores him as she presses accept, giddy and with a warm feeling deep in the pit of her stomach she can’t explain. Eskild raises an eyebrow at her, questioningly, but doesn’t pry, just shoots her that sly smile, making Noora lightly kick him in the side. 

She spends the rest of the day and the next staring at Eva’s name on her phone. Cursing herself for her self doubt, for being reminded of the way Eva looked at the other girl every time she goes to try and start the conversation.

It’s again Eva that makes the next move, confusing as it is. Noora almost drops her phone when it vibrates with a notification from messenger and she hurries to open the message, frowning when she sees that the only thing Eva sent was an  _ h _ . 

Eva’s next message is longer, and Noora bites her lip, trying to come up with an answer.  _ Be chill _ , she reprimands herself before pressing the little thumb in the bottom corner and immediately the feeling of dread creeps up on her back.

She groans, drops her phone on the table and shoves it away from her as if she could shove the hot red shame away just as easily. Eskild chooses that moment to walk in, eyebrows raised at Noora’s teeth pressed into her bottom lip. He peers at her phone, lying face up at the other side of the table.

“A thumb?” 

“Shut up, Eskild,” she mumbles, grabbing the phone back and locking it.

“For a girl claiming she’s ‘just making a friend’,” he says, making air quotes, “you do seem to obsess over this girl a lot. Are you sure you aren’t…”

“Don’t finish that sentence,” Noora looks up, glares at Eskild and he raises his hands, grinning.

\-----

Some boy sits down next to her in class, and Noora can’t help the way she freezes momentarily, looks for a way out. An escape.

When she sees Eva, her heart stops and then speeds up. 

Gathering all her courage, she falls down on the seat next to Eva. The other girl looks up, startled and then… pleased? Eva smiles and Noora feels like she’s alive, truly alive.

She makes Eva laugh. God…  _ she makes Eva laugh _ .

Eva’s eyes linger on Noora and she can’t help but preen. Bathing in the warmth of Eva’s smile like a cat in the sun. 

She knows Eva dodges the question about her past, but that’s okay. Noora has things in her past she’s not willing to share just yet either.

Maybe she can just  _ be _ , with Eva, just for once. 

\-----

“H, as in ‘have you got a drug problem?’. Or H, as in ‘have you got any plans for Friday?’” 

_ Date _ , she means to say,  _ do you want to date on Friday? _

Eva giggles, and Noora thinks she could listen to that sound forever. 

Except before either of them can say anything more, Vilde barges into her life like a whirlwind.

With her comes Chris, widely grinning and immediately warm. And Sana, who fascinates Noora so much she joins the Russ bus. 

Maybe joining the bus isn’t so bad, Noora figures, as Eva smiles warmly at her, and tells her she’ll see her on Friday.

\-----

Time passes, and Noora’s looks keep lingering, Eva’s touches keep burning. 

Noora wants… She wants a thing she cannot name, not even to herself. 

“Tell her,” Sana says and Noora shrugs, helplessly. It stopped freaking her out a while back, the fact that Sana  _ saw  _ her, clearer than anyone had ever seen her before.

“She’s in love with Jonas,” she responds and Sana raises her eyebrows. 

“Doesn’t mean she’s not in love with you.”

And she’s right and Noora should tell her, but then Eva puts her head on Noora’s shoulder and what if she loses this? 

\-----

After Eva and Jonas break up, Eva starts spending the nights more and more.

Eva is a clingy sleeper, her body always finding Noora’s in the dead of night. Their legs tangling. Her head pillowed on Noora’s chest. 

Noora lies awake, staring at the ceiling and counting Eva’s breaths, wishing she could have this for real.

Eva always apologizes when she wakes up, grins and stretches like a lazy cat, naked thighs on display and Noora should look away but she can’t.

Tonight is one of those nights, Eva is sleeping over, hair fanning over the pillow.

“Noora?” Eva asks her, and the streetlights outside reflect back on Eva’s eyes, making it seem like they are luminescent. “You’re not alone anymore.”

Noora opens and closes her mouth, says nothing. She breathes.

“It’s okay,” Eva says, and reaches out, pushes the hair behind Noora’s ear. 

Her eyes fall shut, and Noora allows the tears to fall. She allows herself to stay awake until Eva has fallen deeply asleep, and this time she cuddles up to Eva, pushing her face into Eva’s long hair, breathing in deeply.

When they wake up the next morning, Eva doesn’t apologize, just turns slowly so she can look Noora in the eyes.

\-----

“What is it for you?” Vilde asks her, pushing her food around on her plate. Her eyes don’t meet Noora’s and she’s grateful for it. 

Grateful for the low buzz of the cafeteria around them, and the fact that the other girls are all late.

“Loneliness,” Noora answers, biting into her sandwich, swallowing around the lump.

Vilde hums, “I think… I think that’s like mine.”

Noora breathes. In. Out. Takes another bite.

“My parents didn’t care, no matter how bad it got,” Noora says and now Vilde’s eyes snap up to her face. “The… the loneliness was everywhere and no one cared to see. I don’t think I know what came first. I just wanted to be seen.”

“I see.”

“I know,” Noora says, conviction in her voice, “I see too.”

“I know.”

\-----

“I love you,” Eva sleepily mumbles into her pillow and Noora freezes, looks over and sees Eva’s eyes still open, watching her. 

“I love you too,” Noora says after several beats too long and Eva smiles, snuggles into the duvet and falls asleep. 

Noora stares at the ceiling, afraid. 

\-----

Eskild wanders into her room after Eva’s left and sits down on her bed. 

She breathes, counts them. Starts over.

“Let’s watch a movie,” Eskild says, and she nods. Follows him into the living room, accepts the food Linn hands her.

Linn pushes her feet under Noora’s legs and Noora lets her. She shares a look with Eskild and smiles.

\-----

Eva cancels their sleepover.

Chris shows up with a tub of ice cream and two spoons.

“We have spoons in the house, you know?” Eskild tells her, delighted smile on his face.

Chris grins, “You can never be too sure.”

She allows Noora to tell her she’ll only eat a little, but doesn’t allow her the quiet. 

By the time Chris leaves, Noora’s cheeks hurt from laughing and the tub of ice cream is empty, Chris’ spoon untouched.

\-----

She doesn’t know how it happens. Only knows that Eva has been hooking up with Chris and that she’s lonely. Her bed is cold and she just wants to be held. 

So she finds someone to hold her. 

When he kisses her, she tastes blood. She looks in the mirror and she sees the girl from the pictures again. The hip bones jutting out, the collarbone like a ravine on her body. 

He pushes and pulls until she’s like a doll in his arms. Until the bruises stop fading. She gives up her voice to be his. 

She doesn’t love him. She’s just… so afraid to be alone again.

And he knows. 

And she knows he knows.

But still she follows him to London because Eva kissed Vilde and now Noora has run out of excuses so she just runs. 

By the time she starts breathing again, her lungs burn and ache and she wants… Wants more than this. Wants more than a lie.

“I miss you,” Eva sends her. And so she comes back.

She comes home to Isak in her home and a boy he was about to kiss and sees the want and fear mirrored in his eyes. 

She doesn’t tell Eva she’s back until she goes back to school because how can she tell her without telling her everything? So later she tells Eva no one is willing to sacrifice anything for love and dodges Sana’s looks and Chris’ questions and just dodges Vilde in general because she knows what Eva’s lips taste like. 

\-----

You don’t have to do this alone,” Eskild tells her, and Noora thinks she forgot. 

Forgot it’s not like before, forgot she has this new family now. 

Except it’s not… it’s not easy. It’s hard to unlearn years of doing it on your own. 

She breaks and sobs and he holds her. 

Linn brings her tea and toast. 

Isak puts on a movie, tells her some people think love needs to be tragic in order to be epic. 

He pauses, looks at her. “I don’t agree with that. Love isn’t some great sacrifice, love is just… love just is.”

Noora thinks of Eva, and agrees. Love just  _ is _ .

She breathes, and Isak smiles.

\-----

Jonas and Eva fall back into each other’s arms and Noora just watches.

“I’m okay,” she tells Sana and the other girl nods.

“I know.”

She didn’t expect Eva to wait, not when she didn’t even know she was waiting on something. 

Noora is still healing, still accepting. 

She lies in the dark of her room and breathes out. “I’m gay.”

Breathe in.

Breathe out. “I’m gay.”

\-----

“I’m gay,” she tells Eskild, right in the middle of breakfast. Her plate half empty, his hand raised to his mouth.

He doesn’t gloat, he doesn’t tell her he knew, doesn’t grin or pull his gay guru card.

He just gets up, pulls her into a hug.

“I’m proud of you.”

She breathes him in until it stops hurting.

\-----

Isak drops next to her on the couch, not even noticing she’s there when she breathes out “I’m gay” and then he turns to her, eyes wide. 

“Uhm,” he says and she shrugs, lost. 

“I’m gay and in love with Eva,” she adds and now he nods, understanding. 

“Whatever you do, don’t try to break them up,” Isak mutters, slight grin on his face and Noora can’t help but giggle. 

“Noted,” she says and he smiles. 

It’s nothing and it’s everything and Isak understands as he gets back up to wind his arms around Even’s waist from behind. It was a confession, an acknowledgement, meaningful but meaningless and Noora breathes. She breathes until she stops having to remind herself to breathe. 

When she catches Isak’s eye again across the room, he tilts his head, his arms still snaked around Even, one hand resting on Even’s heart and Noora understands. She’ll get there. 

\-----

Vilde chews her food thoughtfully, and Noora understands this too. The grape pops open in Vilde’s mouth and the girls swallows the juice carefully. 

“Do you think,” Vilde starts, her voice lower than normal. “Do you think I’ll ever stop?” She rubs the next grape in between her fingers and Noora bites her lip. 

“No,” Noora says and Vilde’s face falls. Noora wants to apologize, take it back, promise it will end, but she can’t lie. Not when food sometimes turns to ash in her mouth and she has to stop herself from counting. 

“I’m gay,” Noora says and Vilde looks up, opens her mouth and closes it again. She’s been doing that often, lately, after what happened with Sana, thinking before she speaks. It’s quiet as Vilde thinks and Noora tries to breathe. 

“Okay,” Vilde says eventually, “are you...” she looks to the side, where Eva is standing, head on Jonas’ shoulder.

Noora shudders a breath, shrugs. 

Vilde nods. “Okay,” she repeats.

\-----

They graduate and Noora throws a dart at a map.

Eskild tearfully hugs her goodbye. She promises him she’ll come back.

She’s somewhere in Europe and she’s alone but she’s never felt so  _ not _ alone. The girls text her constantly, she makes some friends there and one night…

One night she kisses a girl. 

Her body comes alive and the girl laughs against her lips as Noora greedily comes back for more.

Noora wakes up to a single text from Eva. “We broke up.”

She books the next flight home.

\-----

Eva is fine. She is. Really.

Except she’s quiet.

Except she doesn’t press against Noora like before.

Except Noora feels like she’s missed a part of the conversation and now she’s lost.

“Talk to her,” Isak tells her, his hands around his coffee cup, Eskild next to him.

“I am talking to her.”

“No, but… really talk to her,” he says and Eskild hums. Pats Isak’s hands as if he’s really a proud father. Isak swats him away, but shoots him a smile anyway.

\-----

Noora wakes up and Eva is on the other side of the bed. 

Her lungs ache, like she hasn’t had a full breath since she landed back in Norway.

“Eva?” she whispers. “Please don’t shut me out.”

Eva turns. “Loving you hurts,” she whispers and Noora swallows.

“Why?”

“Do you know why Jonas and me broke up?” Noora shakes her head, Eva had refused to tell her. “Because I couldn’t stop comparing him to you.”

Breathe.

“I was so afraid,” Noora says. Eva blinks, waits. “I’ve been so alone, all my life, and then there you were, changing that forever. And that made me so afraid. Because I could lose it all again. So I ran, time and time again.”

Breathe.

“I’m done running,” she says and Eva inches closer, as if she doesn’t even realise she’s doing it. “I’m gay.” Eva reaches out, brushes a strand of hair behind Noora’s ear. “And I’m in love with you. Have been from the moment I saw you.”

Breathe.

“Oh baby,” Eva says and closes the gap between them. Soft lips on Noora’s. Eva’s body pressed closely to hers and it has never felt like this. Eva draws back slightly, just enough to talk. “I think I’ve always loved you as well,” she says, her breathe ghosting over Noora’s lips.

Breathe.

“I’m so sorry for waiting so long,” Noora says, lips inches away from Eva’s. “We have forever to make up for it,” Eva replies, kissing Noora’s cheek, feather light, like she’s something to cherish.

Noora can breathe. 

**Author's Note:**

> [Find me on Tumblr](http://greathalesonfire.tumblr.com/)   
> 


End file.
